You speak as if abuse is this undefinable, invisible,

Posted on: August 10, 2016 at 21:46:42 CT

unbelievably complex thing that only a panel of triple-PhD Mensa candidates (after careful deliberation and in-depth discovery) could possibly isolate.

No. Abuse happens when the person receiving a communication decides that that communication is abuse. End of story. Thank you. The End.

Now, given that fact, any interaction can be interpreted by the receiver as abuse.

So, when a player, for example, reaches the conclusion that the coach is creating a 'toxic environment', huge interpretations have happened. But let's examine the motives of a coach:

1. To get wins.
2. To help each player perform at the highest level possible.
3. To coordinate player performances thus maximizing the chance for item 2 and then hopefully 1.

That's pretty much it.

So if a player, when interpreting the communication from a coach, were to keep these priorities in mind, it's likely they could come to reasonable conclusions regarding the purpose of those communications.

On the other hand, when a player is not fully committed to items 1, 2 & 3, and little slip-ups start to happen here and there, then when the coach calls those out, watch out!

This is the same type of problem a police officer has pulling someone over for a broken tail light who is wanted for something far more serious. Not knowing why they've been pulled over makes this person potentially very dangerous. The police know this, which is why they approach EVERY INTERACTION with extreme caution.

Here's the rub: if a player is doing everything they can imagine to help the team, they are unlikely to be bothered by 'abuse' because hey, at the end of the day, they know they've done everything they can.

On the other hand, if the player feels, based on the highest standard there is (which is to themselves by themselves) that they are not living up to their potential, watch out. That player will start to fight back against the coach like a fire breathing dragon. And why? Because they know the coach is right, the coach, essentially is echoing what they themselves have told themselves.

Now what about a coach just being an evil jerk. You know, they say destructive things just to make less of people and make people feel terrible. It's possible, certainly, but if a player understands that the RECEIVER's INTERPRETATION holds all the power they can stand up to even that kind of intent and just dismiss it. It's not coaching - it's not forwarding the three priorities - so who cares, move on.

But most likely, a coach is not a serial killer. They're not a sadist. They probably are an exotically competitive person who wants to do everything to win and expects everyone on the team to take that same attitude. And those who do not operate at their own peril.

It's called competitive sports. That's the environment. It is what it is. But that reality doesn't make the coach an 'abuser'. It doesn't make them evil. It makes them the person in charge of keeping everyone focused on the priorities so that W's can happen.

Given this context, we have players transferring out who know full well they are performing at a fraction of their total potential and have not been doing everything possible to realize that potential. And who, instead of facing that, are simply running away. That is certainly their choice. But let's not blame the coach who sees their full potential and demands they climb the mountain and do it right. They may hate him for making that demand, for knowing the secret of what is really going on, but they can't be allowed to turn the situation around and make the coach somehow wrong. If that happens we all lose.

No, the winners climb the mountain. They trust the coach. They take the coaching. And by doing so open themselves and the team up to achieving the 'impossible'...