RE: Game by Game predictions

Posted on: September 8, 2016 at 08:28:55 CT

Alabama A&M (1-0) in front of 5500 people.

Xavier (1-1)crushed by 30

Clemson or Davidson (1-2)Nope. Lose by 20

Unknown- (1-3). return home after a 25 point loss. Our first arrest follows. Kim picks the whipping boy for the year and makes a "true son" example of him with the leather belt at half court.

Northwestern St.- (2-3) We lose by 10 in front of 3300. Down 40 - 15 in first half we roar back in the second and shoot 47% from the free throw line.

NC Central- (3-3) Two players are suspended for pot possession. KA decides a drug awareness retreat in Italy is a better idea than practicing that week. The leaves are beautiful this time of year.

Western Kentucky (3-4)in front of 1200. We are unable to stop them inside. CVL goes 5-30 from three point range. Deer Season is mentioned liberally in the post game press conference.

Miami (OH)- (4-4)- We are short handed but Miami can't hit the baskets. OT win.

Arizona (4-5)- Crushed by 50 on our home court. KA blames it on the 6500 fans in the arena not being loud enough. Second player arrested for domestic violence after game. Outside the lines is giddy to add us to their schedule again.

Eastern Illinois (5-5)- Tigers come out flat but win by 4. KA trips and breaks hip the one time he leaves his seat to get a refill on his coffee.

Illinois- (5-6)- Illini win by 22 in he worst attended Bragging Rights game ever. KA is using a walker because of his broken hip. Kevin Puryear trips over it on a play and is declared academically inelligible.

Lipscomb (5-7)- Tigers play their best game and lose by 20. Ranked sub 300 in all national catagories at this point. Shooting 47% from the line for the year doesn't seem to be getting the job done. Kim Schedules a dunk contest to work on that issue.

LSU (5-8)- In the battle of bad coaching, Mizzou turns the ball over 4 times in the last minute because they still don't have an in-bounds play. KA thanks the 2700 fans (6 students) for their support.

At Georgia (5-9)- In their first true road game of the year, the Tigers fall 82-54. 5 players get in a fight at Chick-fil-A after the game and spend a week in an atlanta jail.

Auburn- (6-10)- With only a few eligible players Mizzou manages to win the game. KA pats himself on the back and starts making noises about a contract extension.

At Arkansas (6-11)- Suitcase crushes us like a fly. 112-27. We commit a record 45 turnovers.

At Alabama (6-12)- Non-competitive game. Alabama wins by 20. Rumblings are heavy. KA is asking where his extension is? Hip is healed. Walker is bronzed and put in Mizzou Basketball Hall of Fame.

Mississippi- (6-13)- Mizzou loses in overtime on a controversial call. We lose two cheerleaders to suspension prior to the game.

At Miss St. (6-14)-Mizzou will not win an away game all year but does enjoy 47 dozen oysters on the half shell during the pregame meal. We lose in overtime for the second game in a row as Miss St scores the final 12 points of the game.

South Carolina (6-15)- Frank Martin's boys just beat the crap out of the Mizzou kids. Kim fires the strength coach and replaces him with a yoga instructor. High fiber diet becomes mandatory.

At Florida (6-16). Anderson begins calling out players for effort problems. Three of them take official visits to Florida State and Miami while they are in the area. Missouri misses the entire game because everyone is arguing.

Arkansas (6-17). Suitcase presents KA with a bearskin and they wrestle at half court with no shirts. Vladimir Putin is in attendance for some strange reason. Arkansas then scores 37 unanswered points in the second half to win 115-25.

At Texas A&M (6-18)- Mizzou races to an improbable 26-12 lead, inspiring uneducated SEC commentators to constantly say that KA has Mizzou "headed in a great direction". Alas, the Tigers lose 80-68. 37% free throw shooting for the season puts them in the driver seat for an all time NCAA record. KA quotes the stat and asks again where his effin contract extension is.

Vanderbilt (6-19)- Mizzou comes out flat, scoring only 18 in the first half in a 60-47 loss. Two players are listed as no-shows. Footage from Miami surfaces of them with Nevin.

Alabama (6-20)- Nick Saban won't allow us to play on U.S. soil we are so bad. Game is played on a cruise ship next to Flora-Bama. We lose by 15. Kim drops his hearing aid into the ocean by mistake and sits mute the entire post game press conference.

At Tennessee (6-21)- Worst performance of the season. Tigers fall flat in a 78-6 defeat. Mizzou AD issues announcement that the coaching staff will be "evaluated at the end of the season." KA asks if he can get a softer cushion for his chair and maybe some ripe fruit.

Kentucky (6-22)- Calipari takes an unexpected vacation to Vail to ski. Tells assistants to not run the score up. Mizzou loses 99-3 on 1 for 88 shooting by CVL.

At Ole Miss (6-23)- Outside the lines jokes about recruiting violations. We impose a post season ban on ourselves for 2-15 years. We lose 45-75.

Texas A&M (6-24)- Mizzou inexplicably beats A&M 68-64 in front a 3,743 fans despite being 11 point underdogs at home. CVL transfers to Miami to chase *****es.

At Auburn (7-23)- KA plays Eye of the Tiger before the game. Dances with Truman. Truman arrested for smoking pot in the locker room during the game. KA goes to bail out his good buddy at half. Tigers win in KA's absence. Players tell pilot to leave KA and quickly fly home.

SEC Tournament- (7-24) #14 seed Missouri decides to extend Kim's contract to get us through the post season ban years. HCGP is hired as new AD and has his effing statue put up. We raise a banner to celebrate our NCAA record 22% free throw percentage for the year.