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When I was 9 the Billy Ripken "F*ck Face" phenomenon

Posted on: March 13, 2018 at 22:59:54 CT
Taran_Tiger MU
Member For:
1.78 yrs
M.O.B. Votes:
was in full effect. I had heard of the card and rumors of what it said but had not been able to get my hands on one to see for myself, despite my best efforts.
It was getting close to Christmas and I was at a card show with my dad. A cousin of his had recently converted to Judaism and my dad was going all out on his first Hanukkah gift. He wandered off in search of a 1987 Donruss Terry Steinbach Rated Rookie to add to his shrine to Jewish catchers (Moe Berg, Joe Ginsberg, the Danning Bros) and I was finally able to break free from his watchful eye under the guise of waiting in line for an autographed 8x10 glossy photo of Woodie Fryman.

As soon as my dad was out of range I snuck out of line and around the corner to an older man's booth and he gave me a quick peek at the card after I promised to never tell my dad where I saw it. I may have heard the word "f*ck" before but it wasn't immediately recognizable and I most definitely did not know what it meant. The image was burned in my mind forever though and I filed it away for what would come next.

That same Christmas my sister was finally going to get the Kid Sister doll she wanted. To my 9 year old self, all I knew was that adding the words "F*ck Face" had immediately driven the value of a collectible item through the roof. So, I thought I could make her gift even more special - add even more value to it - so that night when I got home I waited until everyone went to sleep and snuck into the garage where my parents always hid our Christmas gifts. I took the Kid Sister doll out of the box and wrote "F*ck" on her right foot and "Face" on her left, placed the doll back in the box and returned it to its hiding spot.

Two weeks pass and on Christmas morning she opens the gift, pulls out the doll from the top of the box, and proudly holds it up with a smile bright enough to melt even the grinchiest of grinches. She hadn't noticed the feet yet so I started to say something when my dad rather forcibly covered my mouth while my mom oh so smoothly told my sister to give her the doll so she could "keep her safe" while we opened the rest of our presents.

Since 6 year olds are dumb as ****, she fell for it and it wasn't until an hour later that she realized the doll was missing. Now, there was no way you could return a doll for a refund with "F*ck Face" written in MarksALot Marker on the feet. And the dolls were sold out county wide. But my sister WANTED that doll so what were my parents to do? My mom stalled for a bit and when my dad finally reappeared with the doll, the feet had been cut off and the legs had been sewn back up just above the ankle. My sister started bawling and my dad didn't know what to do so he told her that Kid Sister was a diabetic and they had to remove the feet in order for her to survive.
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When I was 9 the Billy Ripken "F*ck Face" phenomenon - Taran_Tiger MU - 3/13 22:59:54

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