possum

Posted on: October 5, 2017 at 12:44:18 CT

So, I was going to head back home after the Roots N' Blues show Sunday night. This 27 year old girl that I had been hanging out with at the show and said, "Are you sure you have to go back to KC tonight?" I told her I was thinking about just crashing at a friend’s house instead of going home. She said I didn't need to crash there, that I could come see her new place.
So, I knew generally what the house looked like because we had walked past it the night before on our way to Mojo's
it's one of those little ****ty houses in the neighborhoods near Stephen's
so, I knew it would be pretty ragtag
a couple of guys live there and they are both hippies for the most part.
there's no furniture
there's random stuff everywhere that is supposed to be decorations, I guess
I go to use the bathroom and the toilet is ****ing disgusting lol
It's one night, I remember what it was like to live in squalor as a broke college kid, so I decide to power on through
her room had her stuff and she hadn't really unpacked much, which was fine
so, we start to do our thing
at the end, we realize her cat was at the foot of the bed the entire time, just judging us
she said he never sticks around when sexy times start happening
so, we fall asleep
a little later, one of us wakes up and starts messing with the other and all of a sudden, she says, wtf is that?
I'm like "what?"
There's something in the kitchen (her room is right off the kitchen) eating the cat's food.
"your cat?"
"No, that's not the sound he makes, I think it is a wild animal!"
She gets up, and cracks her door open
she shrieks and comes running back to me
"IT IS A WILD ANIMAL!!!!!!!!!!!"
"a racoon?"
"No, that would be fine because they are cute, it looked like the other ones with the rat tail..."
"a possum?"
"Yeah! I ****ing hate possums"
So then, she just kinds of peeks out and is like, "It probably ran off when I screamed" and jumps back into bed
"Shouldn't we be concerned about how it got in and make sure it did leave?"
"Well, I know how it got in, the back door is open so the cat can come and go"
at this point, I'm just shaking my head
but she starts to do stuff, so I let it go
so, we finish up and she goes to the bathroom
"I'm not putting clothes on, I don't think the boys are here"
she comes running back, "WELP, Roommate was in the bathroom brushing his teeth in the dark"
she puts on some clothes and goes back to the bathroom
so we start fooling around again and we hear the possum eating food again in the kitchen
she doesn't seem concerned about it, and I'm sure has hell not going out there to check on it so we started to drift off to sleep
she's behind me
I fall asleep, "OMG YOU SCARED THE **** OUT OF ME"
"What are you talking about, I was asleep?"
"You farted and I thought it was the possum coming into the room"
I lost it at that point
she hops up, digs through a box and says, "Aha! Here it is. I have a drilled out grenade I use for a door stop, now the possum won't get in"
"You have a what now?"
"It's a drilled out grenade I got at the military surplus store, it's great for a doorstop'
"ok"
so we fool around some more, and then kind of drift in and out of sleep, occasionally hearing the possum in the kitchen. "No offense, but I feel like I"m on a god damn safari"
so, the last couple of hours there was basically trying to sleep while hearing a possum crunching on catfood at random times
she was going to make me eggs and bacon in the morning. My alarm went off at 5 and I was like, "You don't need to make me eggs, I really need to get home so I can shower and get to work"
she walked me to my car and I drove back exhausted
I kept thinking to myself on the way home, "Did that really ****ing happen?"