Let's just set the record straight on Steve.

Posted on: July 20, 2017 at 15:53:14 CT

Here's the thing that most of you probably don't even know about Steve: He wasn't always like this. He used to be cool. Not "Fonzy" cool or even "Alf" cool, but cool like if a bunch of people were hanging out and Steve showed up, nobody would get up and leave. He was fine. Somebody would be like "hey Steve" without looking up from the record jacket they were reading and he'd be like "what's up?" and nobody would really bother to answer but not because they were being dicks or anything, but because it was just Steve and Steve was fine.

But then he changed. I don't know what it was. Puberty, menopause, new cable provider, I don't ****in know. Leave that to the scientists to figure out. The point is he was no longer cool. You'd be out doing something and Steve would be like "hey wanna go to Taco Bell?" knowing full well that the closest Taco Bell was like 40 minutes away. WTF, Steve?

And then there was the time that Mandy had the pool party at her aunt's house and Steve showed up and was all like "nah man, I don't feel like playing Marco Polo." Don't feel like playign Marco Polo? The dude discovered our country and you just "don't feel like playing Marco Polo"??? Have some ****ing decency, man.

And even to this day, he refuses to admit that he stole my shoe. I mean, just come clean, man. We all know it was you. I'm not even mad about it anymore, it's just weird. I mean, who the **** steals ONE shoe?

I'll tell you who.

Steve. Steve steals one shoe.

Man, **** that guy.